Calling Up The Past
by InkyAndKinky
Summary: Meredith gets drunk and calls the one person she ever loved. MerMark pairing. One-Shot for now. (I do NOT own the rights to Grey's Anatomy).


**A/N: Meredith and Mark pairing. Meredith gets drunk and calls the one person she ever loved. Inspired by Dancing With Your Ghost by Sasha Sloan, Someone You Loved by Lewis Capaldi, and Fade by Lewis Capaldi. Enjoy!**

Meredith took a deep breath as she looked around her bedroom. It just felt so empty now that Derek had left her. She had been so used to seeing his clothes mixed with hers thrown around carelessly and now… now there was nothing. He had come by earlier while she was in surgery and had taken back any proof of him living with her. The room was dark and if anyone else had seen it, they wouldn't notice how empty it was. Derek took not only his clothes, but his hairbrush that she used to tease him about every night, and his alarm clock that he simply could not live without. He took everything that brought the room to life. She took another deep breath as tears started to sting at her eyes. She wanted to cry, but she hated crying. It reminded her of her past and what actually led to her moving to Seattle. The tears kept trying to sneak out and she finally let them out. It was an odd sensation. She was the one who broke up with him. She shouldn't be upset that he followed her instructions. Yet, here she was, sitting on the floor in the far corner of her room, crying.

She brought her knees into her chest and balled herself up as a sob was released from the depths of her throat. Why did Derek have such an impact on her? She hadn't even loved him. Or maybe she did and was too afraid to admit it to herself. Love was something that Meredith had a very complicated relationship with. Her father left her and replaced her with his second family and her mother neglected her through her entire childhood and the only reason it stopped was because her memory was taken away by Alzheimer's. A small chuckle escaped her at that thought and soon turned into full blown laughter. Maybe this was her breaking point.

It sure seemed like everything was falling apart for Meredith. Once her laughter died down, she wiped her face of any remnants of tears and stood up. Once again, she looked at the room and before any tears would start filling her eyes, she left. She quickly made her way to the kitchen and searched through the cabinets for anything that could calm her mind. In other words, she was searching for a drink.

It took her awhile to figure out where the alcohol was. Ever since Izzie decided to rearrange everything in the kitchen, she hadn't been able to find anything. She found the tequila bottle in a small cabinet under the counter. Meredith slid down to the floor and opened the bottle. Just the smell of tequila started to calm her down.

She could feel herself healing already. She took a minute to enjoy the scent before taking a swig from the bottle. She coughed as soon as the liquid hit her throat. She didn't remember the last time she drank. Derek had been keeping her on this cleanse that was supposed to be healthy not just for her body, but her mind. It was total bullshit but she did it anyway. She did anything he asked of her. She took another swig of the bottle and laid her head against the wall.

Everything was such a mess, but at least she had tequila.

_Meredith was beaming as she parked her car. She couldn't wait to tell Mark the news. She was so excited and she knew that he would be too. She grabbed the papers sitting on the passenger seat and quickly jumped outside the car. She was home earlier than usual but she knew that she had to share the news immediately. Mark and her had been in a difficult place during the last few weeks and this would definitely help them get back to their happy place. She laughed and she could feel tears pricking at the back of her eyes. She was happier than she had ever been before. She swung the door open and called out his name. She didn't see him anywhere on the first floor so she ran up the stairs excitedly. He was probably sleeping and this would be great news to wake up to. She heard a small thump and laughed as she imagined Mark falling out of bed. She swung the door open with a bright smile. _

_The smile suddenly washed away as she made eye contact with another woman in the room who was rushing to get dressed. She then made eye contact with Mark. She could see that he was speaking but nothing registered in her mind. She could feel herself breaking as she continued looking back and forth between the woman and Mark. She dropped the papers and sprinted out of the house. She grabbed the car keys that she had placed on the counter and ran to turn on her car. _

_Once she had turned the car on, she finally let the tears escape her eyes. She didn't know how long she sat behind the wheel of the car but the woman had left their house and Mark was knocking on the outside of her window. Meredith didn't make eye contact with him as she pulled out of the driveway and began driving. She had no idea where she was going. There wasn't really anywhere that she could go. As soon as she made a decision to go back home, a loud beeping was heard from her right side and everything went black._

_She opened her eyes to the sight of very bright lights. She could see people talking above her but she couldn't make out what they were saying. She felt trapped in her own body. One of the people made eye contact with her and she vaguely recognized them. The woman smiled at her with glossy eyes and Meredith could see her mouth moving. She tried to keep her eyes open for as long as possible but the darkness was too comforting to run from._

_When Meredith woke up again, the room was dark. She turned her head and could see a figure sitting on a chair beside her. She could hear her heart monitor beeping. She waited for her eyes to adjust to the darkness once more so she could try to see who was in the chair beside her. She turned her head once again and could see who it was. Mark. She then saw the familiar paper sitting on his lap. Her heart monitor started to beep faster as she remembered the child growing inside of her. She prayed to whatever God existed that the child was still safe and that nothing bad had happened to them. She allowed a few tears to slip through her eyes as the heart monitor continued speeding up. She quickly tried to regain her breathing and fall back asleep. The darkness pulled her in just as a nurse entered the room. _

_Her eyes opened to the sight of a nurse standing at the edge of her bed, reading her chart. It was bright now. She turned her head and noticed that the chair that Mark had once occupied was empty. The nurse put the chart down a she saw that Meredith was awake. She walked over and smiled sadly. _

"_Hi Meredith. How are you feeling?" She asked. Meredith recognized this woman. It then occurred to Meredith that she was probably in the New York Medical Center, the hospital that she worked at. _

"_How's the baby?" Meredith asked in a whisper. It was the loudest her voice would go. The woman's smile slowly faded and that was all the information that Meredith needed as she allowed tears to rush down her face. _

Meredith looked down at her stomach and cried as she remembered the miscarriage that she had had that night. She grabbed the bottle of tequila and chugged as much as she could.

**Later that same night**

Meredith was drunk, more than drunk, she was completely wasted. It was a miracle that she was still able to stand up. She laughed as she played with her hair. A memory was triggered from the back of her mind.

_Meredith smiled up at Mark as they stood together on the beach. She couldn't imagine a better feeling than being near him. _

"_I love you." She said. His eyes widened as he looked down at her. This was the first time either of them had declared their love for one another. Mark smiled and ran a hand through her hair. _

"_I love you too." She leaned up and kissed him. He pulled her in closer and she laughed as he picked her up and swung her around. "I love you Meredith Grey!" _

She paused for a second before reaching into her back pocket. Her phone wasn't there. She stumbled into the living room and found it sitting on the couch. She quickly turned it on and tapped around the screen before bringing the phone to her ear and sprawling out across the couch. She line rang several times before a very raspy voice answered the phone.

"Hello? Who is this?" The man on the other side asked. He sounded like he had just woken up. For a split second, Meredith felt herself sober up. She hadn't heard that voice in over a year and it still managed to affect her. She froze as the man stayed silent on the other side waiting for a response.

"Hi." She managed to squeak out as the shock started to wear off and the drunkenness began to return.

"Mer- Meredith? Is that you?" His voice became less raspy and more clear. He was starting to wake up and come to a realization.

"Markie. I miss you." She said quietly. There was a minute of silence between the two. Just as Meredith was about to hang up, she heard a response.

"I miss you too." He whispered. "I'm sorry. This is all my fault. I need you Meredith. I love you." His voice cracked as he spoke and Meredith started to cry as she listened to him.

"I will do anything to make it up to you. I swear. I just, I can't live without you." He continued.

"Come here. To Seattle." She said just as her phone died. "Shit!" She yelled into the empty house.

**A/N: I'm not sure if I want to continue this or leave it up to your imagination for what might happen next. Leave reviews so I can figure out what to do with it. I also have another story titled "Bumping And Teasing" that is another MerMark pairing so you should check it out and I PROMISE that I will update it soon! :)**


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